One of the more surprising things I've discovered about being a SAHM in a rather private neighborhood is that it's a LOT like high school...
...except for the big group of friends I had.
There are two other girls Kate's age in the neighborhood. A couple weeks ago one of their moms emailed me and said they were going to trade off at their houses each week for playdates (drop-your-kid-off playdates, not come-in-for-a-cuppa playdates). She said Kate was welcome to stop in whenever we wanted. Kindof a backhanded invite, but I thought I'd take it, for Kate's sake. Kate has swimming lessons which would keep her from being able to stay the whole time, but I said I'd be happy to join in on the hosting rotation once those were done. Kind of got brushed off, but didn't let it get to me.
Yesterday, I dropped Kate off there for a little bit and mentioned to the other mom that I'd be happy to reciprocate on a rotation. Blank stare. Followed by some mumbling and a sort of "well, we can see about that." I know a brush off when I get one.
I must admit myself a bit stung. I mean, do they not trust me with their kids? True, I don't know them super well, but I've lived 4 houses away for 7 years. If I was truly psycho, perhaps they'd have figured that out by now? I haven't screwed Kate up too much yet, doesn't that indicate that maybe I'm an OK mom?
Then today, I drive by one of their houses (since I'm on a cul-de-sac, I can't help but drive past everyone) and see the cars of pretty much ALL the SAHMs in the neighborhood in front of her house. Now, true, perhaps there was some perfectly sensible reason they were all together and I was not included. But that's far too forgiving an attitude for how I'm feeling this week.
I give up. I am SO OVER trying to "fit in" with these women, when I clearly do not. Most of them seem very nice on their own, but I am pretty obviously the square peg, as I have almost always been in my life. So I'm done. I won't avoid them, I'll be happy to see them and chat with them, but I'm letting go of caring whether or not they like me.
I feel so liberated.