Puking Sucks

We were all signed up to do in vitro again in December, to try for a little sibling for Kate. I was at the point where I was just waiting for my next cycle so I could start the pill in preparation for IVF, and -knock me over with a feather - it never came. I am 8 1/2 weeks pregnant - "the old fashioned way" - and sick as the proverbial dog.

I had virtually no morning sickness with Kate. I felt a bit queasy on occasion, like a mild hangover, which I usually addressed by eating lots of greasy, salty calories. Ha. Now I can barely choke down dry toast. It's really quite miserable, and I don't know how I'm going to make another month or more of this.

So forgive me if I'm not bouncing off the walls with this miracle of miracles. I promise I'll start beaming again someday, when I get my head out of the toilet.

Too sick to post

A huge drawback of being a SAHM is having to take care of a rambunctious 22-month old when you fell like hell. Thank GOD for TiVo.

Today is day 4 of feeling like complete and total crap. Hoping to be back posting again soon.

Apple Picking

On a cheerier note - some pics of our picks last weekend. 80-something degrees while apple picking is just plain wrong, by the way.

Time Heals and Time Forgets

Today Kate and I met a friend out for lunch. This friend is trying to get pregnant and has miscarried twice. She wanted to pick my brains on doctors, the process of getting a diagnosis, support, etc. It's such a strange situation for me now. When I was struggling with my infertility before Kate, I was so overwhelmed by my total grief I could do almost nothing else. I could talk of nothing else. The rest of the world kind of fell away for a long time.

But today I just felt so helpless. I could talk about how I used to feel - but it seems so very long ago. I don't really remember what it was like. It's hard to force myself to remember being so broken and wounded and hurt and lost and feeling like the world had let me down. It's hard to try to look back at that when Kate is feeding me ketchup-laden french fries and blowing bubbles in her milk glass. I want to help my friend. I would do anything to keep those I love from that same pain. But I don't want to look back. I want to look forward.

So I said what I could, but I still walked away afraid that my comments weren't helpful - or worse, that somehow I unknowingly said something hurtful. And it makes me realize how much Kate has healed that big, gaping hole - how she has filled that emptiness to the point where I'm overflowing.

I'm so incredibly grateful.

Bad Blogger

I can't quite believe how long it has been since I've posted. Holy cow. But really, I've been quite busy. I have very limited blog-time - pretty much confined to naptime and after the Katester goes to bed. And lately I have a few things in the works which are sucking up that time at an alarming rate, so I haven't taken the time to post.

One distraction is that I'm throwing a baby shower for Carrie in November. I'm so excited!! Now, invites are just going out this week, so it's not like it's taken up too much time yet. Just busy picking out the invites and brainstorming yummy, brunchy food to serve.

Another major distraction was our concert this past weekend. I've been doing quite a bit of practicing lately - our music this concert was HARD. I was extremely concerned going into it, but we all must have been freaked so we really focused. It went so well - I couldn't believe it!

There are a couple other distractions, too, but they are surprises related to the baby shower, so mums the word, for now. :-)

On the cute side, Kate's new favorite activity is doing dishes. I pull a step stool over to the sink and she will alternately scrub at dishes or rinse them off. It's sooo cute and we actually have a lot of fun washing and singing and talking. She's becoming such a grown-up kid. And it's a nice break from constant playdough playing.

OK, CSI/Grey's Anatomy time.