Too sick to post

A huge drawback of being a SAHM is having to take care of a rambunctious 22-month old when you fell like hell. Thank GOD for TiVo.

Today is day 4 of feeling like complete and total crap. Hoping to be back posting again soon.

Apple Picking

On a cheerier note - some pics of our picks last weekend. 80-something degrees while apple picking is just plain wrong, by the way.

Time Heals and Time Forgets

Today Kate and I met a friend out for lunch. This friend is trying to get pregnant and has miscarried twice. She wanted to pick my brains on doctors, the process of getting a diagnosis, support, etc. It's such a strange situation for me now. When I was struggling with my infertility before Kate, I was so overwhelmed by my total grief I could do almost nothing else. I could talk of nothing else. The rest of the world kind of fell away for a long time.

But today I just felt so helpless. I could talk about how I used to feel - but it seems so very long ago. I don't really remember what it was like. It's hard to force myself to remember being so broken and wounded and hurt and lost and feeling like the world had let me down. It's hard to try to look back at that when Kate is feeding me ketchup-laden french fries and blowing bubbles in her milk glass. I want to help my friend. I would do anything to keep those I love from that same pain. But I don't want to look back. I want to look forward.

So I said what I could, but I still walked away afraid that my comments weren't helpful - or worse, that somehow I unknowingly said something hurtful. And it makes me realize how much Kate has healed that big, gaping hole - how she has filled that emptiness to the point where I'm overflowing.

I'm so incredibly grateful.

Bad Blogger

I can't quite believe how long it has been since I've posted. Holy cow. But really, I've been quite busy. I have very limited blog-time - pretty much confined to naptime and after the Katester goes to bed. And lately I have a few things in the works which are sucking up that time at an alarming rate, so I haven't taken the time to post.

One distraction is that I'm throwing a baby shower for Carrie in November. I'm so excited!! Now, invites are just going out this week, so it's not like it's taken up too much time yet. Just busy picking out the invites and brainstorming yummy, brunchy food to serve.

Another major distraction was our concert this past weekend. I've been doing quite a bit of practicing lately - our music this concert was HARD. I was extremely concerned going into it, but we all must have been freaked so we really focused. It went so well - I couldn't believe it!

There are a couple other distractions, too, but they are surprises related to the baby shower, so mums the word, for now. :-)

On the cute side, Kate's new favorite activity is doing dishes. I pull a step stool over to the sink and she will alternately scrub at dishes or rinse them off. It's sooo cute and we actually have a lot of fun washing and singing and talking. She's becoming such a grown-up kid. And it's a nice break from constant playdough playing.

OK, CSI/Grey's Anatomy time.

Verbal Hangover

We had a cul-de-sac party last night. They're great fun - all of us who actually live on the cul-de-sac as well as most of the "street people" - folks on the street leading up to it. We pull a grill and tables and chairs out into the cul-de-sac. One family provides hot dogs/burgers and we all bring something to share and coolers full of beer and kids run around like mad. It's chaos. And this morning I am still so overstimulated I feel a bit ill.

You see, give me a beer or two and some adult conversation (which I am sorely lacking through the week) and the next morning I'm guaranteed to wake up with a verbal hangover. I feel like I talked everyone's ears off last night. They're probably all rolling their eyes at me and I feel so embarrassed. It's not that I talked about anything inappropriate, it's just that I feel like I talked and talked and talked and talked. I always feel that way after parties. I hate it. I wish I could "play it cool" like I used to be able to. I just get so excited to have people to talk to - I have to make up for days of my biggest conversations revolving around convincing Kate to let me change her diaper or stay seated in the shopping cart. I feel like such a dork.

Ugh.

How cool is this?

My blog is now listed on Cellomania and CelloBloggers. Yep. There's a whole community out there - 151 of us now - of cellists who blog. Whodof thunk it? I actually think it's pretty amazing, and is one of those cool ways in which the web enables people from all over to connect in surprising ways. I can't wait to check out some of the other blogs.

Thanks for including me!

little of this, little of that

This has been a lost week. Other than some "back-to-school shopping" (for my 21-month-old) I have gotten very little done.

Kate took full advantage of our hot weather this week by enjoying the neighborhood wading pools. Thankfully, at least 50% of the time I actually managed to get a swimsuit on her before she got in the water. Other than that, it's 2-year molar time and she's been perfecting her whine. Oh, and throwing things. Any time I tell her "no" for any reason, whatever is in her little hands gets flung with fury. Any thoughts on fixing that one?

I haven't practiced since Tuesday. Not so good. I've just been really tired this week and not getting anything done. I'm at the point where I've done "good enough" practice on my orchestra music, but that's not "good enough" anymore. We have a new conductor this year, and I would hate to give him any reason to think that he needs to reaudition my chair! The Stokowski is in reasonable shape, although the treble clef runs on the last page are still a bit sticky. We're doing a Mozart flute concerto that is sight-readable. I still have some work to do on the Respighi. I'd never even heard of that piece before, but it is really lush and beautiful. Not to mention the first movement has a really gorgeous cello line - and a teeny solo for me! Sunday we'll finally get our hands on Higdon's blue cathedral. Can't wait to check it out!

I'm enjoying Tim Gunn's Guide to Style. Although it really, really makes me want to go shopping. I still want to lose 10-15 lbs. before I do any major shopping, not to mention "major" shopping for me these days doesn't mean much. I need to get back on the treadmill. You know, with all my free time.